When I ate that chocolate covered cream filled bismark, I honestly did not realize the potential ramifications of my decision.
I thought that I could eat it, and then resume my previously perfect diet plan.
I was wrong.
I guess I was wrong partly because I underestimated how sugar laden processed foods affect our bodies. I've come to the conclusion that my craving for "more of the same" has a lot less to do with my emotions and more to do with a physical response from my body.
Believe me... I believed I was done after that bismark. Why then did I want more? The urge for wanting more was so strong that I felt like it was ripping down my carefully constructed rationale with a ten foot sledgehammer.
One of my newest blogger friends said this is the new lunar year of the tiger. I felt like eating that bismark had let out the tiger. Have you ever tried putting a tiger back in its cage after it's been let out?
So, when I wrote a few days ago, about how I had eaten another half of a doughnut...the damage did not stop there.
The next day...I continued to crave more processed foods. I ate a ginger cookie that my daughter had made a few days ago. It tasted so good. Then throughout the day I had my son's graham crackers. I even started topping them with peanut butter.
Everything tasted so good. It felt like I couldn't get enough. The harder I tried to stop myself...the more excruciating the attempt to stop felt like to me.
Things came to an emotional head this morning.
I realized that I could no longer have a weekly sugary snack because of what it was doing to me.
The whole situation with saying "no" to this food felt heart wrenching to me.
You guessed it. Sunshine Mama had another few crying spells this morning trying to get through this.
I just don't get it. Saying no to a certain food just shouldn't be this emotional.
It's not right.
I mean... do I get this emotional saying no to an orange? Think about it people...do you? How come these processed, sugary foods have the ability to reduce me to tears when I try to break away from them?
I don't know about you, but I think it's a conspiracy. God never intended food to have this kind of a hold on us. I'm beginning to think that the modern methods of cooking and creating foods have perverted their natural flavor and have created something that is very addictive.
Would I cry over not being able to eat an apple...a baked potato? or how about wanting to snack on carrot sticks or celery throughout the day?
Why is it just the processed crap that reels me in and makes me feel like I can't even control what goes into my mouth?
How does a perfectly normal person, who is in full possession of their wits...suddenly lose it with the introduction of a doughnut?
So, guess what? I will be searching for a whole foods snack to indulge in on the weekends. I will be searching out foods that won't render me incapable of controlling myself. I will search for a better kind of snack that will nourish me and leave me feeling in control of myself.
I don't ever again...want to cry like a baby... because some stupid, processed food decided to throw me into a choke hold and make me its slave!
I will find a way to eat the foods...that create freedom in my life, not misery.
Well...other than that, I hope you're all doing great.