When I ate that chocolate covered cream filled bismark, I honestly did not realize the potential ramifications of my decision.I thought that I could eat it, and then resume my previously perfect diet plan.
I was wrong.
I guess I was wrong partly because I underestimated how sugar laden processed foods affect our bodies. I've come to the conclusion that my craving for "more of the same" has a lot less to do with my emotions and more to do with a physical response from my body.
Believe me... I believed I was done after that bismark. Why then did I want more? The urge for wanting more was so strong that I felt like it was ripping down my carefully constructed rationale with a ten foot sledgehammer.
One of my newest blogger friends said this is the new lunar year of the tiger. I felt like eating that bismark had let out the tiger. Have you ever tried putting a tiger back in its cage after it's been let out?
So, when I wrote a few days ago, about how I had eaten another half of a doughnut...the damage did not stop there.
The next day...I continued to crave more processed foods. I ate a ginger cookie that my daughter had made a few days ago. It tasted so good. Then throughout the day I had my son's graham crackers. I even started topping them with peanut butter.
Everything tasted so good. It felt like I couldn't get enough. The harder I tried to stop myself...the more excruciating the attempt to stop felt like to me.
Things came to an emotional head this morning.
I realized that I could no longer have a weekly sugary snack because of what it was doing to me.
The whole situation with saying "no" to this food felt heart wrenching to me.
You guessed it. Sunshine Mama had another few crying spells this morning trying to get through this.
I just don't get it. Saying no to a certain food just shouldn't be this emotional.
It's not right.
I mean... do I get this emotional saying no to an orange? Think about it people...do you? How come these processed, sugary foods have the ability to reduce me to tears when I try to break away from them?
I don't know about you, but I think it's a conspiracy. God never intended food to have this kind of a hold on us. I'm beginning to think that the modern methods of cooking and creating foods have perverted their natural flavor and have created something that is very addictive.
Would I cry over not being able to eat an apple...a baked potato? or how about wanting to snack on carrot sticks or celery throughout the day?
Why is it just the processed crap that reels me in and makes me feel like I can't even control what goes into my mouth?
How does a perfectly normal person, who is in full possession of their wits...suddenly lose it with the introduction of a doughnut?
So, guess what? I will be searching for a whole foods snack to indulge in on the weekends. I will be searching out foods that won't render me incapable of controlling myself. I will search for a better kind of snack that will nourish me and leave me feeling in control of myself.
I don't ever again...want to cry like a baby... because some stupid, processed food decided to throw me into a choke hold and make me its slave!
I will find a way to eat the foods...that create freedom in my life, not misery.
Well...other than that, I hope you're all doing great.
hey sunshine mama just pick your self up and start eating clean again! alot of go through stuff like that! trust me!! it sucks!
ReplyDeleteOh boy, a slippery slope. I have been there too. Maybe the best thing to do is to clear everything tempting out again. Move those things up on that old top shelf again. Start fresh? Maybe try new fruits or new things you have never tried that aren't as bad. One of my all time favorite treats, is plain air popped popcorn. I got a popper at Wal Mart once for about $20. Kernals are low in cost and without the butter and salt - it still tastes good. I promise!
ReplyDeleteDid you know a whole cup of air popped popcorn has less than 50 calories? = )
How about a granola bar or really ripe fruit to combat the sugar tooth.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry the stupid bismark beat you in round 1, but it sounds like you'll have the last laugh and take him down.
Btw, did you ever think about which magazine you're going to send your story to?
Hi Sunshinemamacita!!
ReplyDeleteI totally totally understand!! I look at my sugar addiction as the monster.. lol! Tiger is alot prettier! lol! It's so true tho!! You take all the time and effort and white knuckling it, to starve that beast, and one little pastry..... and it is up and ravenous again. It's IS so insatiable! I have said it once, and I will say it again.. there is no such thing as moderation for me in this arena.. the white death arena... lol!!
Hugs.. Amy
I blame it on tiger! the other day I was craving a big juicy burger and LOVED every bite of it! sometimes a girl needs to feed her inner tiger! ((((ROAR))))
ReplyDeleteMari, you make me laugh...stop it! We're NOT suppose to feed the inner tiger. Well...we can feed it healthy food. :
ReplyDeleteI've been fighting the junky processed food eating cycle since the holidays. The past 2 weeks have really been the only time I've been able to break away. After reading your post I know to not tempt myself with treats for a while!
ReplyDeleteI've cried over not being able to eat cake before and really-really wanting to. What IS going on with that? I think you hit the nail on the head. We're not meant to eat that garbage! It's a "drug" to our bodies and it just craves more, more, more.
Here's to overcoming processed-junk obstacles. =)
I'm convinced that there are likely somethings I'll simply never be able to have again. They don't let AA folks have a beer at Christmas just because its a special occasion.
ReplyDeletefor better or worse, you are finding your true triggers so that you can get them under control.
I'm envious that you are at least narrowing them down.
Bismarks might be out of your future Sunshine Mama. So weird how our bodies work. You cut out the sugar before and you can do it again! My bismark is mac and cheese...can't even go there.
ReplyDeleteThe same thing happens to me! As soon as I let myself have a bite I really want more. Last night I had a few bites of chocolate cake on my ambulance shift and then ended up eating a piece. I am glad we immediately started getting calls one right after the other because I didn't have anymore. If I find something distracting to do I can usually stop myself- it also takes a few deep breaths and some mental calming of the feeding frenzy inside me.
ReplyDeleteyou know what, i really like this conclusion. it's too true! 9 times out of 10 we feel guilty and gross for eating sugary, processed foods. i know i never feel bad after eating healthy, organic foods though!
ReplyDeletehmmm now for the ultimate debate... could i really give up m&m's forever? (there goes that sponsorship hope, lol)
It is interesting when you look at it like an addication. Seriously - sometimes I'll say "yes" to something, whatever it is, and immediately ALL of my focus is on just getting it and putting it in my mouth. I am irritable, VERY irritable and anyone or anything that gets in my way and I am almost shaking - every brain cell is yelling to GIVE IT TO ME NOW. All thoughts of caution and don't give in and moderation pale in comparison to the tiger's voice. It's actually kind of embarrassing to think that something like this, a certain trigger food, can have that much hold on me. No, not me! I could never be like that....yeah. Ahem. =)
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone! Each person has to find what works for them - I find that reading others' motivating stories and researching the hows and whys of being healthy really help me to keep my focus. Listening to podcasts about others who are reaching for the skies and attaining their goals makes that darn tiger go right back to sleep.
Wow - I'm reading this a week behind, but it echoes almost *exactly* what I posted about on my LiveJournal account last week. Here is a quote, word for word, from my post:
ReplyDelete"When one is raging-ass gnaw-on-your-right-arm hungry, whyohwhyohwhy can't the thought of eating a nice salad and a bit of lean protein in reasonable amounts sound just as appetizing as eating a crispy chicken club with bacon and fries and a frosty???"
...and I sort of just kept going from there. So yeah, been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
But you are on to something here about processed (engineered) food. I totally get your sentiment about not getting emotional over not eating whole, clean food but practically having a nervous breakdown at the thought of never having another doughnut again. Again, I am SO in that boat. And as other commenters have noted here, so are they.
So it MUST be the way in which these foods are processed. I don't even think it's the ingredients themselves - I'm not going to fall apart at the thought of not eating white sugar again - it's the combination of everything and the process in which it is made. And don't kid yourself - these foods aren't "cooked" or "prepared" in the sense that we think of - they are *scientifically engineered* to hit the trigger taste buds that hit the trigger centers in our brain that turns us into raving maniacs over this stuff.
Ugh. It is such a hard leash to break. But it can be done. Just gotta take it day by day, and when that doesn't work, hour by hour or minute by minute if need be.
Keep the faith!!