Emotional Upset

week 18 1/2 of 20 weeks

weight today: same

total lost: 12 pounds in 18 1/2 weeks

1/2 cup of oatmeal: 150
(sprinkled with cinnamon and sweet-n-low)
6 egg whites: 96
1/2 grapefruit: 40
total: 236
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3 1/2 oz chicken breast: 122
1/2 grapefruit: 40
3 egg whites: 48
total: 210
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running total: 446

5 oz chicken breast: 175
1/2 cup of brown rice: 85
2 cups of spinach: 10
green peppers: 8
cucumbers:8
broccoli: 5
carrots: 10
1 tbl of Newman's own vinegar and olive oil salad dressing: 75
total: 376
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running total: 822

chocolate protein shake: 110
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running total: 932

3/4 cup of brown rice: 128
5 oz chicken breast:175
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total: 303
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running total:1,235

4 egg whites: 64
1/2 cup of celery: 10
1/2 cup of green peppers: 10
total: 1,319

Today's challenge: I started running out of some of my spinach and other vegetables, but other than that I stayed on target. Oh, I've been busy with some stuff around the house and can't seem to get my run in.

Planned fitness: abdominals

Note on picture: This is what my husband had for breakfast. A Burger King sausage egg and cheese crossanwhich. I'm not even sure how many calories this is. But the kids were eating french toast sticks and cini minis that were dipped in icing. Oh...the smells were delicious! Me? I just stuck to my oatmeal, grapefruit, egg whites and tea.

Emotional Upset

Today marked the first day in this new diet plan of mine where I actually had a little emotional stress related breakdown.

And, no, I'm not even close to that time of the month. Just to rule out that possibility. And I'm not pregnant.

Oh, all the things we women must say to explain our tears.

It is possible I could have been hungry.

Here's what happened. Everyone had breakfast...and I had mine. It was a very satisfying breakfast for me. About an hour or so later...I was confronted with something that felt overwhelming to me. That was upsetting to me...but at the same time that I was upset by that, I also felt upset by the fact that I was missing some of the foods I like to eat. I couldn't sooth any of my feelings of upset with food...which just made me more upset. I'm at a point in this diet where I refuse to cheat until this three weeks is up.

So, instead, I just burst into tears. Lamenting over my feelings of being overwhelmed and also sadness for not being able to eat "fun" food. But, if you think about it, even if I could eat "fun" food, I can't sit there and eat it endlessly. Eventually I'd have to stop. Also, the taste of the food is temporary. Will the taste resolve my feelings of being overwhelmed?

So, I just sat there until I cried it out. Sometimes a good cry will help me clear my head and make me feel better. When I was done, I looked at the clock and figured I should eat my mid-morning snack of chicken breast and egg whites. I usually have a tomato with it, but I ran out of tomatoes a few days ago...so I decided to indulge in the last half of grapefruit. The grapefruit and tomato are both forty calories and I felt that eating the grapefruit meets my diet standards. And, since I started this diet, I have come to really relish the taste of grapefruit.

I ate, and enjoyed it and felt much better. I even made myself a coffee and added some sweet-n-low. The coffee may have been cheating somewhat as far as dealing with my emotions, but by the time I drank it I was already in a better mood.

By the time I was done eating and working on my coffee, I didn't feel so overwhelmed. I actually began thinking of a way to deal with the situation. And the rest of the day went well.

So, there you are. It got a little tough for Sunshine Mama today, but I hung in there and didn't cheat. I didn't get in a run like I wanted to. But, I am actually feeling a little more relaxed on that because I know that I will not lose all of my gains from just a few days off of running. That was one very important lesson I learned when I was forced to take three weeks off from running.

Isn't it interesting how setbacks and tears can teach us more about ourselves?

Well...I think that's it for now. I hope you're all enjoying your weekend!